Friday, January 28, 2011

General Honor Student: Review for Easy A

Being a normal, slightly pessimistic, whiny, intolerant teenager, one wishes that their life was directed by none other than John Hughes. A legend and landmark director, Hughes managed to define a generation without stereotyping them or belittling their ideals, and did so by presenting realistic storylines and situations. So, if life is so tumultuous, one might as well have some professional handling thing “up there”.

That seems to be the wish and desire of one Olive Penderghast, a normal teenager in public school whose notoriety is to a minimum at the beginning of the film. That is to say, she is virtually invisible. Luckily, the whole “finding yourself” clich├ęd plotline does not beleaguer the film. Instead, we get to see Olive make a fool of herself and watch as she makes stupid decisions (with good intent) and watch as she is guilt ridden, much like a real teen. As heartless as teens are made out to be as a species, we do experience guilt every so often.

It all started with a small rumor, in which Olive tells her best friend Rih (Aly Michalka, in a notably raunchier role than Disney would approve of) that she lost her virginity to some guy named George, who does not even exist. And the rumor spreads like wildfire, as rumors do in high school. Here, the director Ivan Reitman decides to speed up the process by following the rumor in its tracks. While it may be nauseating for some, it’s all around fascinating. This is a good 15 years after Clueless and 10 Things I Hate About You, a good 30 after the films of John Hughes, and 7 after mean Girls. The Rumors are the same, but the method by which they are passed has evolved.

And from there, she meets a boy named Brandon, sweet as he is, he is incredibly gay. He is bullied by everyone, tormented by his fellow students, and he decides to ask Olive to lie for him. Instead of merely saying that they had sex, Olive makes her lie a bit more elaborate. The stage is set at a popular girl’s party, and they make it as bombastically fake and over exaggerated sequestered in a room, as possible. This, ladies and gentlemen, is what your kids are up to: having fake sex. Or not. Or something. (You know, I actually have no idea what your kids are up to. Just don’t watch Skins.)

And the web of lies becomes more elaborate and more “profitable”, as she is able to take bribes from poor schmucks who can’t get laid any other way than lying about a previous, albeit brief encounter. And as the rumors fly, instead of cowering because of her newfound reputation as a hussy, she plays it up by dressing like one too, with a scarlet letter embroidered to her questionable top. “Give them what they want, and then leave them asking for more” as they say on the stage. And as the story progresses, her rep bites her in the ass and not only does she become the most sought after female in her school, she also becomes one of the most hated. And she hates that. Feeling sorry for herself for something she got herself into.

This last bit is kind of annoying. What did she expect? But besides this, the film rolls smoothly along with clever and snarky dialogue. Emma Stone is incredibly charming as the sarcastic, biting Olive, and her eyes and delivery enhance the performance. She handles the biting sarcasm well. But as memorable as the screenplay is, it bears scant resemblance to The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne, from which it is loosely adapted. The resemblance to the classic is a scant as the clothes covering Emma Stone’s body.

My only real problem is really a critical one. I just find the story morally regnant. The film epitomizes what I hate about my generation. Its loose views on sex and that sex means nothing…but the acting is good. I was, however, disappointed by the lack of substance in the film. Olive’s parents were probably the funniest, with Patricia Clarkson and Stanley Tucci nailing every line. The interaction between Stone and her parents is undeniably realistic. Perhaps the reason why I didn’t like this film was because it was too realistic. Otherwise, it was fairly amusing.

The music is fun and ranges from classics like “(Don’t You) Forget About Me” from Say Anything to a new rendition of "We Go Together" from Grease and it pays delightful homage to the films that Olive wants to live in. The music is really fits the atmosphere of the film. Cinematography may not be the main aim of the film, but the color palette, a warm and sunny tone, suits the California based film. The acting is great, with another highlight being Amanda Bynes playing the uptight Christian zealot, whose quest to call Olive as many names meaning “slut” as possible and whose uppity, pretentious religious views remind me of pas experiences I’ve had with people. Top notch ad very funny!

In a generation where sex is anything goes, this film fits the bill. Although the dialogue and the screenplay aren’t nearly as memorable as other teen films, and the storyline wasn’t as nearly relative to The Scarlet letter as it was claimed to be, it’s an amusing breezy movie. Maybe it’s better for people to claim they had sex and not actually do it, maybe it’s not. But, like all teens, all we want is John Hughes to direct our lives, if only for a while.

Grade: B

Monday, January 17, 2011

Its a Zombie Apocalypse!

Note from The author: I or anyone else haven't posted anything in like a week and for that we sorely apologize, so we have come up with this post in a hope of making up for our lack of new posts. 

             So you find yourself trapped in a middle of a graveyard and 1 in the morning, trapped in a closet that you assume is used to store caskets, while your friends are trying to eat you. What do you do! I said what do you do! well, we have an answer to that.
              So what is this zombie apocalypse? well, you see its a game, not an actual zombie apocalypse but simply a game. The basis of the game is that 1 person is a zombie and everyone else is a human. the job of the zombie is to attack and eat the brains of a human and create a zombie out of him. The game ends when either A) a human makes it to the designated safe house or B) everyone is devoured and turned into a zombie. So, to play this game you will need a set list of requirements and so without further adieu.
1. A graveyard: this is the most crucial part of the game, if you aren't in a graveyard then it loses its creepiness and therefore the entire point of the game is void. If you are squeamish about graveyards don't play this game
2. 10-15 people The more the merrier with this game, if you have less than 10 then someone will get an amazing hiding place and it will take FOREVER to find them.
3.Dark atmosphere for same reasons as requirement 1
4.  A cynical view of religion: If you are profoundly religious then walking around a graveyard in the middle of the night may seem perverse and/or deeply disturbing
Nerf gun (optional): will be explained latter under variations

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Top Ten Stupidest Pokemon.

Pokemon was my childhood favorite, as it was for many other people. The variety to choose from within all the different Pokemon was staggering, and most were fairly cool looking. They all had their own types, movesets, stats, and abilities that made them unique from one another. For the most part, all of the Pokemon were, and still are, ascetically pleasing. The keyword in that sentence? MOST. NOT ALL. I'm here to count down the top 10 most unnecessary, and, quite frankly, idiotic Pokemon that Nintendo ever created. Keep in mind that I don't put anything that evolves into something else; Magikarp may suck, but Gyarados is kickass.


I honestly don't understand why they had this. Most Pokemon that are terrible evolve into something that's slightly more reasonable: the Pokemon you trade in for Farfetch'd is Spearow, which sucks. However, if you raise it to a lousy level 20, it'll evolve into Fearow. Fearow is better than a Farfetch'd. Along with not having an evolution, Farfetch'd sports very horrible base stats for a one of a kind Pokemon. Even Mr. Mime, who I did consider putting on this list (he's a fucking MIME), has OK stats. Farfetch'd, admittedly, learns quite good STAB attacks such as Brave Bird and Air Slash, which is why he isn't #9 or below. Kudos to you, you pathetic, leek-twirling creature, you've made #10.
Pokemon like Farfetch'd: Mr. Mime (Traded a potentially better Pokemon for it.)


Lickitung was a fairly bad Pokemon, but I decided to put its evolution, Lickilicky, up here instead. Why? Because Nintendo had 3 generations, or roughly 8 years, to make a substantially better evolution for Lickitung. Was Lickilicky a better evolution? NO. The fatter, much creepier looking evolution of Lickitung was still stuck with fairly average stats, insultingly average attacks, and average abilities, Oblivious and Own Tempo. The point of having a Pokemon, to me, was to get really excited when it learned a new, awesome attack. Would you begin to hyperventilate if your Lickilicky learned Slam, one of its best moves? Hopefully not.
Pokemon like Lickilicky: Probopass (Barely decent evolution of even worse Pokemon)

Friday, December 17, 2010

The iPad 2, a Mini Tablet?

A Note from the author: After the apparent success of my first Apple installment, I felt it was time to write my second installment of my Apple segment. I hope you guys like it

Answer to the Title
Short answer: No.
Long answer: No, but a lot of other interesting features are bound show up.

The iPad
Earlier this year Steve Jobs stepped to the podium in his classic black turtle neck and jeans and introduced something that would change everything: the iPad, a tablet, something that was not implemented well earlier. This would then spawn dozens of competitors that would point out the glaring flaws of the iPad. So, now, with a new iPad imminent, what will Apple do to silence the opposition and reassert its domination of the tablet market? Well, in order to understand what the iPad 2 will look like then we must first look at their glaring errors.

Lack of a camera
iPad competitors have had a field day with this, and personally this is the biggest mistake Steve Jobs made when he first came up with the iPad, but was it a mistake? Even though Steve Jobs says that Apple tries to make the best possible product they can, in reality this isn't so. They probably could have put a camera in the iPad but this wouldn't really make sense to a business: if it's the best product they can make, then what are they going to put in the next generation? It makes much more sense to dole out the upgrades in a way that puts them ahead of competition, while at the same time having enough features to upgrade the next generation and hence replenish sales.

Aggron. The shit is here.

I really really loved this picture and felt it should be shared with the rest of the world... So, without further adieu....


Tuesday, December 14, 2010

A photo colage by Mista Santorini

This angry black man goes by the name of Fat Cop. He is both a cop and an angry alcoholic. Expect to see a  comic starring Fat Cop in the near future. 

This is Pikachu's much less popular cousin Chikapoop. He is believed to have lived in Misty's basement.

chickapoop in his mid 20s

According to Mr. Santorini the entire series of Pokemon is a lie. In reality  Pokemon is just the sick twisted fantasies of a Schyzophrenic man named Ashie K. and it turns out Pikachu was simply a crocodile skull Ashkie. K. found in his youth. 

Monday, December 13, 2010

Absence of Pokemon Government?

This is my first post so I figured I would touch upon a more abstract subject: the absence of any form of government whatsoever in the Pokemon world. How are they controlled? Are they closed off to the surrounding countries? Are they socialistic, communist, or maybe democratic? Who are their major leaders? The only figures of constant authority  appear to be gym leaders. Do they separately control each town, and who commands them? I feel like the Elite Four are the only remotely powerful figures along with the Pokemon champion. Yet, how do they enforce their laws and are there any laws to begin with? The police force is in shambles. With puny Growlithes on their side, they can be beaten by the average ten year old child wandering out after dark, who has some how been able to obtained a level 40 Charizard. Doesn't that pose as some sort of hazard - a ten year old with a large flaming beast? When the police are defeated, they don't call in any back up or put the perpetrators at gunpoint. They simple say, "Oh well, do illegal things. I cannot stop you." So I don't believe they help very much at all. Major political figures only seem to be the professors along with the gym leaders. Gym leaders are chosen by illegally pitting their captured creatures against one another...doesn't sound to be very trust worthy. However, the professors at least have some smarts but feel it's safe to send ten year old children to travel the world without parental guidance.