Sunday, December 19, 2010

Top Ten Stupidest Pokemon.

Pokemon was my childhood favorite, as it was for many other people. The variety to choose from within all the different Pokemon was staggering, and most were fairly cool looking. They all had their own types, movesets, stats, and abilities that made them unique from one another. For the most part, all of the Pokemon were, and still are, ascetically pleasing. The keyword in that sentence? MOST. NOT ALL. I'm here to count down the top 10 most unnecessary, and, quite frankly, idiotic Pokemon that Nintendo ever created. Keep in mind that I don't put anything that evolves into something else; Magikarp may suck, but Gyarados is kickass.


I honestly don't understand why they had this. Most Pokemon that are terrible evolve into something that's slightly more reasonable: the Pokemon you trade in for Farfetch'd is Spearow, which sucks. However, if you raise it to a lousy level 20, it'll evolve into Fearow. Fearow is better than a Farfetch'd. Along with not having an evolution, Farfetch'd sports very horrible base stats for a one of a kind Pokemon. Even Mr. Mime, who I did consider putting on this list (he's a fucking MIME), has OK stats. Farfetch'd, admittedly, learns quite good STAB attacks such as Brave Bird and Air Slash, which is why he isn't #9 or below. Kudos to you, you pathetic, leek-twirling creature, you've made #10.
Pokemon like Farfetch'd: Mr. Mime (Traded a potentially better Pokemon for it.)


Lickitung was a fairly bad Pokemon, but I decided to put its evolution, Lickilicky, up here instead. Why? Because Nintendo had 3 generations, or roughly 8 years, to make a substantially better evolution for Lickitung. Was Lickilicky a better evolution? NO. The fatter, much creepier looking evolution of Lickitung was still stuck with fairly average stats, insultingly average attacks, and average abilities, Oblivious and Own Tempo. The point of having a Pokemon, to me, was to get really excited when it learned a new, awesome attack. Would you begin to hyperventilate if your Lickilicky learned Slam, one of its best moves? Hopefully not.
Pokemon like Lickilicky: Probopass (Barely decent evolution of even worse Pokemon)

Why did they need this? It wasn't cool looking, NO ONE had it, and it had, yet again, very average base stats. However, this isn't the reason I put this on here. The actual reason is that it has VERY good attacks. It learns attacks like Zen Headbutt, Psycho Shock, Psychic, Psybeam, etc. Why is this a bad thing? Well, let me put it like this; if you were skipping rocks onto a lake, and your little brother, who can't skip rocks for shit, finds the BEST skipping rock in the ENTIRE world, would you want him to throw it? No: It would be a waste. Would you give exceptionally good attacks to a Pokemon with base stats of 45 (Attack) and 90 (Special Attack)? While 90 is admittedly alright, it isn't great. With psychic Pokemon like Espeon and Alakazam, who have outrageously high Special Attack, there is no reason to have a Grumpig in your party.
Pokemon like Grumpig: Girafarig (Who has them? Seriously)

Before you get angry, hear me out. You've spent, maybe, 7 hours training your Trapinch into a Vibrava and your Vibrava into a Flygon. Getting to level 45 doesn't take 5 minutes. So, naturally, you should expect a fairly amazing Pokemon, right? Well, as was the case with Grumpig with Psychic-types, Flygon has fairly average stats for a Dragon-type Pokemon; Dragon-types normally have Attack around 120. Therefore, it would be a mistake to replace a pseudo-legendary like Salamence, Dragonite, Garchomp, etc, with a Pokemon like Flygon. Couple that with the fact that Vibrava is a HUGE bitch to train, getting Flygon just isn't worth your time.
Pokemon like Flygon: Altaria (WAY too much effort with little return)

Lunatone & Solrock
To me, these Pokemon were just fillers. There's nothing good about them, and the only reason they existed was for those fucking annoying twins Tate and other bitch to use. Also, one of Solrock's best attacks was Solarbeam. My issue with this is that not only does Solrock have an inexcusably low Special Attack stat, 55, but it isn't Grass-type. Lunatone was OK, but only because it actually had a decent Special Attack stat of 90, and learned good Psychic-type attacks. But, yet AGAIN, it isn't good enough to replace other Psychic-types.
Pokemon like Lunatone & Solrock: Luvdisc (Completely unnecessary and under-used)

Castform was an experiment gone wrong. It was supposed to make the weather conditions around the trainer effective during battle. So, Nintendo made a Pokemon that was directly affected by the weather, turning into either Ice, Water, or Fire-type. The issue was that they made Castform's stats the same in each category, 70. This meant that it was a piece of shit. Its moveset was horrible, either learning something as weak as Powder Snow, or something as ridiculous as Blizzard. But, hey, look at those jugs!
Pokemon like Castform: Kecleon (Sad attempt at originality)

I hate it. It has a good Special Attack stat, but if a fucking Pokemon pokes it, it's pretty much dead. The designers had the balls to give it a lot of physical attacks, even though it has a base-stat of 50 in Attack. And, to make it worse, something evolves into it. Chingling. It really, REALLY pisses me off when an extremely shitty Pokemon has a pre-evolution, because that means some poor idiot spent a long time training it into this thing. And what's worse, Chingling evolves from Happiness during night! That means that the Trainer has to put in a LONG time to evolve it! Into a fucking Chimecho! GUH!
Pokemon like Chimecho: Mantine (Too much effort into evolving baby Pokemon)
I FUCKING HATE IT. It has HORRIBLE stats, it learns ONE fucking HORRIBLE move, and it's fucking SANTA. There's nothing conceivably good about Delibird. NOTHING. It isn't even a good HM whore! And yet, it's only the third worst.
Pokemon like Delibird: Smeargle (Only one, pretty crappy attack)

The creator of this must have been really fucking lazy when he made this Seaking wannabe. Nothing about this Pokemon is original. It's a fish with giant testicles. That's it. It learns extremely average attacks, it has very average stats, and it is, OF COURSE, an evolution of something. At least Delibird sported some amount of higher thinking. Not much, but some.
Pokemon like Lumineon: Beautifly and MANY more (Copying other, older Pokemon)

Why? What is it? Who thought that ANYONE would want it? Dunsparce is horrible. Nothing about it makes sense. I understand that it was based off of some fucking mythical creature, but WHAT THE FUCK IS IT? I thought it was a legendary when I was a little kid, so I was really excited when I caught it. Then I used it. Turns out, it's just a rare, shitty, shitty, shitty, SHITTY Pokemon. It's a Normal-type, which means that it isn't good for anything, and it has a ridiculously horrible moveset! It's best attack is TAKE DOWN! It has the most average base-stats I've ever seen, and the creator of it knew it was SO bad, it was given the abilitity RUN AWAY. This means that it can run away from any wild Pokemon battle. It's so bad, it's been given a handicap like Run Away. God dammit, Dunsparce, I HATE you.
Pokemon like Dunsparce: NOTHING! IT SUCKS! (There's nothing to compare, no one made ANYTHING like it again)

-Mr. Santorini

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