Sunday, December 19, 2010

Top Ten Stupidest Pokemon.

Pokemon was my childhood favorite, as it was for many other people. The variety to choose from within all the different Pokemon was staggering, and most were fairly cool looking. They all had their own types, movesets, stats, and abilities that made them unique from one another. For the most part, all of the Pokemon were, and still are, ascetically pleasing. The keyword in that sentence? MOST. NOT ALL. I'm here to count down the top 10 most unnecessary, and, quite frankly, idiotic Pokemon that Nintendo ever created. Keep in mind that I don't put anything that evolves into something else; Magikarp may suck, but Gyarados is kickass.


I honestly don't understand why they had this. Most Pokemon that are terrible evolve into something that's slightly more reasonable: the Pokemon you trade in for Farfetch'd is Spearow, which sucks. However, if you raise it to a lousy level 20, it'll evolve into Fearow. Fearow is better than a Farfetch'd. Along with not having an evolution, Farfetch'd sports very horrible base stats for a one of a kind Pokemon. Even Mr. Mime, who I did consider putting on this list (he's a fucking MIME), has OK stats. Farfetch'd, admittedly, learns quite good STAB attacks such as Brave Bird and Air Slash, which is why he isn't #9 or below. Kudos to you, you pathetic, leek-twirling creature, you've made #10.
Pokemon like Farfetch'd: Mr. Mime (Traded a potentially better Pokemon for it.)


Lickitung was a fairly bad Pokemon, but I decided to put its evolution, Lickilicky, up here instead. Why? Because Nintendo had 3 generations, or roughly 8 years, to make a substantially better evolution for Lickitung. Was Lickilicky a better evolution? NO. The fatter, much creepier looking evolution of Lickitung was still stuck with fairly average stats, insultingly average attacks, and average abilities, Oblivious and Own Tempo. The point of having a Pokemon, to me, was to get really excited when it learned a new, awesome attack. Would you begin to hyperventilate if your Lickilicky learned Slam, one of its best moves? Hopefully not.
Pokemon like Lickilicky: Probopass (Barely decent evolution of even worse Pokemon)

Friday, December 17, 2010

The iPad 2, a Mini Tablet?

A Note from the author: After the apparent success of my first Apple installment, I felt it was time to write my second installment of my Apple segment. I hope you guys like it

Answer to the Title
Short answer: No.
Long answer: No, but a lot of other interesting features are bound show up.

The iPad
Earlier this year Steve Jobs stepped to the podium in his classic black turtle neck and jeans and introduced something that would change everything: the iPad, a tablet, something that was not implemented well earlier. This would then spawn dozens of competitors that would point out the glaring flaws of the iPad. So, now, with a new iPad imminent, what will Apple do to silence the opposition and reassert its domination of the tablet market? Well, in order to understand what the iPad 2 will look like then we must first look at their glaring errors.

Lack of a camera
iPad competitors have had a field day with this, and personally this is the biggest mistake Steve Jobs made when he first came up with the iPad, but was it a mistake? Even though Steve Jobs says that Apple tries to make the best possible product they can, in reality this isn't so. They probably could have put a camera in the iPad but this wouldn't really make sense to a business: if it's the best product they can make, then what are they going to put in the next generation? It makes much more sense to dole out the upgrades in a way that puts them ahead of competition, while at the same time having enough features to upgrade the next generation and hence replenish sales.

Aggron. The shit is here.

I really really loved this picture and felt it should be shared with the rest of the world... So, without further adieu....


Tuesday, December 14, 2010

A photo colage by Mista Santorini

This angry black man goes by the name of Fat Cop. He is both a cop and an angry alcoholic. Expect to see a  comic starring Fat Cop in the near future. 

This is Pikachu's much less popular cousin Chikapoop. He is believed to have lived in Misty's basement.

chickapoop in his mid 20s

According to Mr. Santorini the entire series of Pokemon is a lie. In reality  Pokemon is just the sick twisted fantasies of a Schyzophrenic man named Ashie K. and it turns out Pikachu was simply a crocodile skull Ashkie. K. found in his youth. 

Monday, December 13, 2010

Absence of Pokemon Government?

This is my first post so I figured I would touch upon a more abstract subject: the absence of any form of government whatsoever in the Pokemon world. How are they controlled? Are they closed off to the surrounding countries? Are they socialistic, communist, or maybe democratic? Who are their major leaders? The only figures of constant authority  appear to be gym leaders. Do they separately control each town, and who commands them? I feel like the Elite Four are the only remotely powerful figures along with the Pokemon champion. Yet, how do they enforce their laws and are there any laws to begin with? The police force is in shambles. With puny Growlithes on their side, they can be beaten by the average ten year old child wandering out after dark, who has some how been able to obtained a level 40 Charizard. Doesn't that pose as some sort of hazard - a ten year old with a large flaming beast? When the police are defeated, they don't call in any back up or put the perpetrators at gunpoint. They simple say, "Oh well, do illegal things. I cannot stop you." So I don't believe they help very much at all. Major political figures only seem to be the professors along with the gym leaders. Gym leaders are chosen by illegally pitting their captured creatures against one another...doesn't sound to be very trust worthy. However, the professors at least have some smarts but feel it's safe to send ten year old children to travel the world without parental guidance.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

I saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 again today. I noticed some new things:

  • The lighting and camera work at Grimould Place was noir-esque.
  • The only one who can really act is Rupert Grint.
  • The movie gets really slow sometimes.
  • The imagery is still freaking gorgeous.
  • The digital versions of Harry and Hermione looked like video game renders.
  • The Tale of the Three Brothers is the best sequence in a film in the last few years.
  • There are so many seasoned actors in these films. It’s like the Royal Shakespeare Company with wands.
  • I want Luna Lovegood to be my friend. She’s fun.
  • Wow, they left a lot out. Darn adaptations.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Baby Shoes: A Story of love, jealousy, and quadriplegics

A note from the Author: This is one of my shorts stories that I've had for a long time. It was originally and English Essay but obviously devolved into something much worse. Although this uses I, I'm not in any way  the character in this story. Any resemblance to anyone in real life is purely coincidental. I hope you enjoy the story :D            

Baby Shoes
It’s Tuesday and I begin my day the same as I have for 9 out of 12 of my years. I awake, shower, dress, and then wage an internal battle with myself, this battle is to whether or not I wear a pair   of grimy baby booties. If I wear them I face the ridicule of a misunderstanding school, if I don’t then I have to face the consequence of being starved and locked in a dusty closet until I agree to wear the booties. On some days it’s a more difficult choice than on other but today I decided to wear the baby shoes without visible complaint.
            As I walk into the kitchen my dad shouts “Hey, retard (his pet name for me) you like to wear those little baby booties don’t you?” This was followed by a gale of laughter.
            I looked at the floor and muttered “yes, sir.” All of a sudden my dad stopped laughing and got this crazy look in his eye.           

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Give ‘Em Spell: Review for “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1″

   Expectations when entering a theater showing an adaptation of a novel are either extremely high or extremely low. There is often doubt set in the mind of the pessimist, one of those “You can’t top the book” mindsets. The optimist has hopes that the filmmaker will include every minute detail from the novel, regardless of its impossibilities. And when the credits roll, more often than not, both people walk out of the theater with the same regard to the film. “The book was better.”
In the case of the Harry Potter films, the books have always been better. The screenwriters and producers have too often sacrificed character development and linear narrative for action and melodrama, making Potter fanatics furious everywhere. When Warner Brothers announced that the final book in JK Rowling’s fantastical series, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, would be split in two, their audience was frothing at the mouth with pure rage and indignation. The reason, the producers said that splitting Deathly Hallows into two parts would enhance the film and allows for more detail, so that the narrative wouldn’t be as rushed and that the filmmakers could make it as faithful to the book as possible. Of course, fans refuted this claim, saying it was for money reasons.
As to whether or not the intention was to make it more faithful or to make more money, it doesn’t really matter in the end. We follow our hero after the sixth film and book, after Dumbledore has died, and the sense of foreboding and darkness is immediate. The first shots of the film are the trio, Harry, Ron, and Hermione (Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, and Emma Watson), prepping for their journey to find the Horcruxes that contain pieces of Voldemort’s soul. Every ounce of emotion is put forth, and then we are tossed into the throng of the War Against Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes).

"Social" Butterfly: Review for "The Social Network"

It’s interesting that in the last ten or so years, new verbs have popped up and become a legitimate part of the English vernacular. “Google” is a verb. “Text” as well as “sext” has entered our vocabulary. There’s “e-mail” and even “tweet” for Twitter. And probably most recently and with one of the biggest windstorms is “friend”. This means “to add as an acquaintance after you’ve met once, on a social networking website”. This is all thanks to the complex, conniving, and incredibly narcissistic Mark Zuckerberg, the CEO and co-founder of Facebook. Anyone reading this review probably has a good idea of what Facebook is, even if they aren’t a member. So, David Fincher, the spectacular director of layered and extraordinary films like Fight Club, Se7en, Zodiac, and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button has assembled one of the best films I have seen in years. It is an incredible commentary on society, obsession, narcissism, plagiarism, larceny, and the idea of the wunderkind, the young billionaire.
Mark Zuckerberg is played with gusto by Jesse Eisenberg. We first see him at Harvard in late 2003 basking in self-love on a date, and it is his hyper intelligence and fast talking lack of humbleness that gets him dumped. He vents by blogging about the poor young woman and then creating a special website called “FaceMash”, which allows people on the Harvard campus to compare women by “hotness”. This is before Facebook was even invented. As he hacks into the Harvard system, he attains a whopping 22,000 hits on “FaceMash”, crashing Harvard’s seemingly safe network.

Friday, December 3, 2010

So what's up with apple?

A note from the author:
Iconic Rainbow symbol for apple 1977-1995
I figure doing a segment on Apple could be helpful for some people. Plus, in blogging 101 they say you should write what you know, and apple is something I know a lot about. So lets see how it goes. I hope y'all like it.
P.S. I know this may seem trivial or unnecessary because who DOESN'T know about Apple but I figure it would be best to just do introductory article to make absolutely sure everyone is on the same page. 

Apple - a multi-billion dollar company that somehow has been able to capture the hearts of souls of thousands. How does it do it? Why does it do it? And are there products really that good? Well, I will try to answer all of these questions and then some within this article and hopefully in articles to come.

A Brief History of Apple
You see, Apple started effectively on April 1st, 1977 with co-founders Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak with the introduction of the Apple I, An "OK" machine at the time of its creation. Yet things didn't really start until the introduction of the Apple II, the computer that began the idea that computers should be available to the people (and was successful at it). In 1985 internal disputes led to Steve Jobs being ousted from Apple. A period of rocky sales and not so great management until Steve Jobs came back to Apple in 1996 with a new philosophy in hand. His philosophy would reform Apple into the company we see today. The philosophy was a focus on simple, aesthetically pleasing design and a new focus on quality. This would soon spawn a road of successful products. The Apple products which would soon follow include the original iMac, Mac OS X, iPod, a revitalized Mac product line, iPhone, and now the iPad.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Review - Fallout: New Vegas

A note from the Author:
Yes I know this game is a month old and I should be reviewing something more recent such as Black Ops or Brotherhood but I have yet to buy Brotherhood and I would prefer to play more Black Ops before writing a review.

Game's Score
Graphics: 8/10
Gameplay: 7/10
Sound: 8/10
Is it worth buying: Worth the 60$ price tag.

When I first played New Vegas it felt like I was playing the same old Fallout 3 again. The graphics appear to be an updated version of those of Fallout 3, which in no way was a bad thing. You start off as a courier for the Mojave Express, the postal service of the Wasteland. Your mission: delivering a platinum poker chip to New Vegas. You're then attacked by Benny, a casino chairman on the Vegas Strip, who takes the platinum chip and shoots you in the head. Then the real gameplay begins. You awake in Doctor Mitchell's house where the standard character creation occurs. You choose your appearance as well as your base stats. You then proceed to go outside and meet Victor, the RobCo securitron robot who is the one who took you to Doctor Mitchell upon finding your body. Your main goal is to find out information about the man who shot you, which leads you to the town of Primm, and then into New Vegas.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The Legend of Shucka: Chapter One

An artists rendition of what Shucka Shucka may have look like.
Note by the Author 
Hello everyone! So I’ve been thinking about what I should do with this blog attempt and me and my buddies have agreed it should more simple than whatever the fuck we were talking about in our first article. Its gonna be 50% funny (or what we think funny is) and 50% actual stuff and in the future its not gonna be so split but for today it is. Be warned, this story is not politically correct, or morally clean, but anywho I hope you enjoy my story

Chapter One: In The Beginning There Was One
            There I was, a normal school day, except for the fact my friend was currently summoning an ancient creature, known in some cultures as Shucka Shucka. Although I didn’t know this at the time, Shucka Shucka was far more evil than I could have ever have imagined. But let me back up a little, I guess this all began in 1756.
            He is called many things Lucifer, Sugar Daddy, "The Green Popsicle", and of course, Shucka Shucka. Although exactly what he was was never figured out, he was one hell-of-a bad ass. He was known for stumbling around an area in Africa the locals called *click* *click*,or however Africans talk, every 50 years or so. Whenever he would come across a village he would do three things. The first thing he would do was systematically eat an ear off one village baby, not any other part of the body, just the ear. The second thing he would do is spit in everyone’s oatmeal, yes, they had oatmeal in ancient Africa. He would then impregnate one virgin in the village for the final step. Then he left without a trace and by morning everything was set. When the villagers woke the only mark Shucka Shucka left was the one eared baby.

How does this fits in with the first sentence? How did my friend summon Shucka Shucka? You'll just have to wait for Chapter Two.

- hgani

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

What We're All About

So, you're probably wondering what in God's name is this blog all about. Some vague topic only a few people on the Earth know about?, maybe gingers?, or maybe a bunch of fools making a blog? Well, in actuality our purpose is simple. We view everything as pieces to one big puzzle, our job is to put all the pieces together and create something that makes sense, but through the eyes of a teenager. Why the last part? You see, it all began while we were talking in class about how dull and boring everything the teacher was saying was, even when the topic was genuinely interesting. Later that day it struck me like the slap from an offended woman, why not create a blog about it? We figure it is more interesting than reading a dry article about whether or not Obama likes Provolone cheese or Amer'can cheese. I mean c'mon, who would enjoy reading that? We write about anything which seems important to share with the public. This can range from politics and social issues to our version of comedy. And furthermore, things that will blow your mind. Our Blog is by teens for teens. We write about anything which seems important to get out to the public. Our perspectives will be simple enough to be digested, profound enough to be taken seriously, and in the end, funny enough to actually be enjoyable.

- hgani & Ynmiz